This may be the most important thing I share all year.
And I’m curious how it might serve you…
—What if you adopted the belief that:
<<<<<You owe nothing to anyone,
And no one owes anything to you>>>>>
I ask because pretty much every relationship has a contract attached to it…
You to kid. You to spouse. You to client. You to employer. You to Facebook. You to government. You to me. You to your internet provider. Etc etc
Pretty much every relationship has a contract attached to it.
But few are aware the contract is even in place. 😁
It will be MASSIVELY IMPORTANT for you, and I, over the coming days and months to evaluate our contracts
And be very clear on what is being Given
And what is being Received.
Because the war and separation in our hearts is spilling over quickly and magnifying widely in our homes, communities, and nations.
And it’s un-necessary.
>>>>>>Clarity on what’s being Given, and what’s being Received.
>>>>>>What do we both Value?
These two questions are at the root of all conflict.
When you you are experiencing conflict, conflict is not the problem,
Conflict is beautiful. No match would light without some friction 🔥 💡
Let it burn 🥰 Yay! You are alive!
But listen up:
At its core, when you are experiencing conflict, and large emotion…
<<<<<you are valuing something different than whoever you are contracted with.>>>>>
That’s all it is.
It means very little about you.
It means very little about them.
Your (Mis)understanding of the contract is chewing up a massive amount of Emotional 😭, Fiscal 💵, and Creative Capital 🍑.
You can free that up aaaaallllllllll those assets and more
By getting clear on what the agreement is, and what each party Values.
Let tongue relax down from roof of mouth. Relax jaw. Roll shoulders back and down. Release clenched butt cheeks and abs. Breathe into pelvic floor.
🥰🤩Here are some examples 🤩🥰
Consider the agreement of Marriage,
There are often assumptions in the contract:
-You married me, therefore you owe me sex I enjoy, otherwise why would we be married?
-If you won’t have sex with me as much as I think I’m owed, I’m justified in coloring outside the lines with porn and other partners.
-You are my spouse, therefore you should be the one person who sees me and hears me and validates how hard I work for our family…AND you should ask thoughtful follow up questions when I’m sharing my day….AND YOU, of all people, need to connect with me emotionally, not play your dumb phone.
-I make money, so you should support my ______ habit (bowling, fast car, video games, coaching courses, HGTV binge, jewelry, Diet Coke, Dr Pepper, ATV, boating, etc etc etc)
-I made dinner, you should support me by cleaning it up
((((((But what if your spouse owed you nothing,
And you owed your spouse nothing??))))))
What if you both lived from that mindset?
-“You moved me out of state, I now require that you support me with _______ , _________ , & ___________”
Shoulds are attached, and rightfully so, maybe terms were explicitly agreed upon.
However Your perception of The Contract’s Agreements are what is generating such strong emotion. 🙏
Not good. Not bad. Just something to notice.
Do you want to be right & justified, or do you want to create your goal?
Here’s an example with kids:
-I cook for you kids, I clean for you kids, I get all your favorite movies, I give EVERYTHING for you, the LEAST you can do is clean your room…😡
Is your 7 year old aware of this contract he was born into? Probably not 😁
Are you aware you deeply resent your children for existing? Probably not 😁
Here’s another household example:
-“I pay $64.99 every month for internet, why is it Buffering so slow???”
That large frustration energy is usually because you feel the contract is in breach, and the universe owes you lightning speed internet connectivity.
And that may all be true—that your contract entitles you to lightning speed internet connectivity… but that depends on what you are giving in your contract, and receiving in your contract ♥️
🌲🌲🌲**Take a Breath**🌲🌲🌲
…What if I believed that no one owes me anything, and I owe nothing to anyone…
“My child deserves a free public education free from ___ & _____ & _______”
Maybe. Depends on the contract.
“The marketplace owes me a job!”
“My offering is amazing, I put so much into this and I NEED this, I should have more clients”
But what if no one owes you anything, and you don’t owe anything to anyone?
All of this owing is transactional.
And it takes you out of Being the Chooser.
It takes you out of being The Cause
It zaps you from serving with charity ♥️, compassion🔥, and power👑
And puts you in Reacting to Effect,
And leaves you Screaming for change in what is now a Power Struggle. ⚔️ 📢
Power struggles always create a loser.
Power struggles are the opposite of win-win 🥰🥳
Yes, it is powerful when families prepare, eat, and clean meals together.
And most of them do…once the energy is clean and the “owing” and “resenting” goes away. 🙌
Cause if there is a snarky covert contract in place, and you feel your family owes it to you to clean the meal…
That’s where the power struggle begins.
In the OWING.
The Projecting on the other.
Often because you are GIVING FAR MORE than you are receiving 😕
And you are mad about it. 😠 It grinds against your integrity and your deepest principles and values…
What you GIVE and receive IS UNDER NO ONE ELSE’S CONTROL.
😍🤩Just yours 🤩😍
So am I gaslighting you? Is all your pain your fault?
Nope. Not what I’m saying. This is not to assign blame. That would be a power struggle/ lose-win situation.
This blog post is inviting the possibility of radical accountability for the experience in front of you and awareness for how you are dancing in it. ♥️♥️
Because it might serve you powerfully to adopt the belief
<<<<<<<<That no one owes you anything
And you owe nothing to anyone>>>>>>>
Life is so full of creative wins and prosperity, when you drop that old transactional owing-type contract,
And evaluate the balance of what you are GIVING in the contract and RECEIVING in the contract.
Maybe it’s time to re-negotiate.
It’s your choice what you give, and receive. It was always your choice. When you step out of owing, and into choice..
The same action produces VERY different results. 😍👑🥳 💰
I’ll finish with this formula:
Get clear on what you Value + Ask the other person or institution what they value + look for overlap + give/receive in a mixture that works for you =
Connective energizing sex
Increased financial flow
Economy that benefits all humans
Etc etc etc
🥰 fun huh?🥰
If you want help cleaning up your contracts, call me